guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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