i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
