Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
