Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
