no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
