In the future we'll all be gay
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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