I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
