WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
one might say we're banned from that church
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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