so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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