we made out on top of his cat.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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