i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
