i came on her dog
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
