In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
