the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
