his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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