I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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