She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
