Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
