My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
