he shaved USA in his pubs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
