OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
