I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
