are you still at the devil's house?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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