I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
