batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
