If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
