Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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