Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
