I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
