I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
