I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
