Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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