I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
