Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
