you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish you could order shots online.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
