May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
