Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
