So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
