the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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