Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
As shirtless as possible
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
