Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
