My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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