How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
