going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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