i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
