You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
