dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
