First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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