Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
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