I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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