just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
