the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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