That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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