Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
