my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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