Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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