woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
