i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
