I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
