The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
