I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
