you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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