After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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