You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
