my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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