One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
